Who Review: The Snowmen

Sorry this review is a bit late, but as it’s Christmas and I had general Christmas goings-on happening, I’ll forgive myself. Be warned: this review pretty much entirely negative. It’s got to the stage where I write these reviews just to get the opinions off my chest, so that my friends don’t have to suffer my despair in person.

Let’s being with the introduction of Clara. Once again Moffat has presented us with a plucky, adventurous, outrageously flirty, headstrong female companion, but let’s sidestep this self-made cliché for a second and address my main gripe with the way Clara met the Doctor. I do not care how plucky/adventurous/headstrong you are… no one has a three-line conversation with a man about a snowman, and then chases down his cab and breaks through the roof. The Doctor couldn’t have just intercepted a snowman attack on her? No no, this is yet another female character who’s ‘unique’ boldness has to be shoved down our throats.  

I am choking on this old record.

Second of all, apparently the Doctor no longer gives a damn anything and lives on a cloud. Why? I know he’s just lost his beloved Ponds, but the Doctor has lost multiple companions over the years and it never stopped him caring. Rose, the human he allowed himself to fall in love with. Donna, his best friend. Sarah Jane, who’s awesomeness transcended Classic and Modern Who. I don’t mean to be rude, but what was so fantastically special about Amy and Rory that made their absence turn the Doctor into, well, an asshole. This episode is yet another example of Moffat plucking a problem out of thin air, giving it no build up, then ‘solving’ it and expecting us to care. 

On the topic of ‘ponds’, there was that “one word rule” conversation between Clara and Madame Vastra. Clara was asked to give a very detailed reason why the Doctor should help her, and she chose the word… “pond”. This word obviously holds a great relevance to the Doctor, but not to Clara. To her, it’s just a description of where her problem originates from, not a reason why she is worthy of help. 

Answer everything with one word, because I feel like being awkward today.

There seemed to be quite a lot of irrelevant details in this episode, thinly veiling a central plot that involved a lot of fast explaining and no logic. Was it really required that Clara was a barmaid at the beginning of this episode? Why was the TARDIS parked on a cloud above London, instead of its usual street corner? I get that the Doctor is supposedly in hiding but isn’t the point of the TARIDS to sit unnoticed by the general public? It all just seems like a lot of filler to pass the time until we get to some action (which took about a million years… I was beginning to get very bored). And with so many details and characters to be keeping up with, we’re left with a generous sprinkling of plot holes (memory worms; you’ll forget the last hour of your life, unless the Doctor needs you to drop off a future companion “where we found her”). The really sad thing is, the ideas behind Moffat’s episodes are generally really good. It’s just that their execution is so poor that you either don’t understand what’s happening, or forget with all the background noise. 

Can we please, please talk about that absolutely terrible Sherlock reference? It was such an obvious pandering to a certain group of Whovians (cough, Tumblr, cough) who long for a Wholock crossover. Admittedly I am among them, but the Doctor’s practically pantomime portrayal of Holmes (accompanied, even, by what sounded suspiciously like the Sherlock theme music) made me want to bang my head against the wall. There was literally no need for it; if you’re going to do a crossover, do it properly or not at all!

No! Bad Moffat!

What else was there? Oh yes, the Doctor handing over the key to the TARDIS after knowing Clara for less than 24 hours. Yes, she’s “Soufflé Girl”. Yes, they’ve technically met before. But the Doctor  hasn’t realised this at that point in the episode. It took Martha seven episodes to earn what is referred to as a “frequent fliers privilege”, and she was a companion also following a particularly harsh loss for the Doctor.  But no, apparently now TARIDS keys can be handed out to whoever. 

Once again, we have an episode with lot of background noise that badly disguises a central plot that makes little to no sense. It is only out of sheer loyalty to the show as a whole that I continue to watch what is currently being churned out.

Who Review: Asylum of the Daleks

Contains both SPOILERS and very strong (negative) opinions on the Doctor Who episode ‘Asylum of the Daleks’.  You are allowed to disagree with me. That’s what is great about opinions; everyone gets their own. 

If you, like me, hated this episode, you can also read Alex Day's review here if you haven't already. He makes a lot of very accurate points. As does this review, which brings up a lot of points I missed.

I wasn’t entirely sure if I was going to do Doctor Who reviews this year, but after watching ‘Asylum of the Daleks’ I just had too many thoughts not to share them with the internet. I may or may not continue with these; I have finally learnt my lesson about promising things to this blog.

I have mixed feelings about the newest offering, but sadly the majority of these feelings are negative. I spent the majority of this episode hating everything about it, only for there to be a few redeeming factors nearer the end. Unfortunately, I don’t like to spend an entire episode glowering moodily at my TV screen. I want it to capture me and whisk me away to Whodom, maybe keeping me in the dark and definitely keeping me on my toes… but not keeping me in a state of annoyance. 

Let us start with the sudden return to the frankly terrible CGI of series one of New Who.  Back in 2005 it was entirely excusable, as it was a new show again and probably had a smaller budget. But now? You can’t get away with those shoddy telescope heads, guys. You just can’t. 

If you are a seasoned fan (such as myself), you probably saw the set photos of Rory storming out on Amy. You are perhaps even the type of fan who was building up for a gut-wrenching, soul-destroying event that ripped the Pond family apart and scattered it on the floor along with what would be left of your heart… only to get first no explanation, and then the very poor explanation of ‘life happens’.  That works for minor characters that the audience isn’t invested in, having seen them fight (and die) for each other on multiple occasions. We need so much more than ‘life happens’.

I've been preparing my fangirl heart months in advance for nothing!

 Also, the fact that Amy is a model now bugs me. I feel that to be an entirely unnecessary plot point, one that was written in just because Karen Gillian is playing Amy. We get it, she's hot. We can get our fill of Gillian hotness from her photoshoots as an actress.

The Doctor sums up everyone’s thoughts on the Dalek’s suddenly asking him for help… “This is new.” Damn right it’s new, Doctor. They just rewrote the Dalek’s entire personality. And not even in the same awesome way as they did back in ‘Daleks in Manhattan’ where there is a) a huge build up, b) a big reveal and c) a path of logic leading up to the event. We know exactly why the Dalek’s want the Doctor’s help, and why they saw the need for merging Dalek and human DNA. Here there are (suddenly) hundreds of Dalek’s all nice and cosy on a spaceship with a range of new powers. What exactly do you need the Doctor’s help for then? Already I’m a sceptic, and that’s not good.

I’m not going to even begin to talk about how the Doctor then just helps them. His greatest enemies, the race that eliminated his own… and he just helps them. Because they ask. They didn’t even say please. I know, I know, they force him into the Asylum along with Amy and Rory. But right before that he’s brainstorming ideas how to help them, talking of task forces and generally just being a big ole’ lovely to them. WHAT ARE YOU DOING. 

We interrupt this episode of Doctor Who to bring you Matrix Rory. Sure. Also is it just me, or from this point on does this slowly begin to feel like an episode of that ancient show ‘The Crystal Maze’?

To the Crystal Dome, Neo!

On to Oswin, our newest Who companion. Now, I was really looking forward to the reveal of Jenna Louise Coleman, and I was thoroughly disappointed with her random introduction when there was already quite a lot to be going on with. This, I feel, is Moffat’s biggest flaw; his rule seems to be throw everything in at once to make up for the gaping plot holes and bounding leaps over important events (cough, Amy and Rory’s divorce, cough). I was beginning to warm to her character and was suitably intrigued as to where/when she has come from. I also loved how she is possibly the first person in Whodom to meet the Doctor and not trust him immediately with her life. Unfortunately, all her mystery vanished completely upon the revelation that she is in fact a Dalek (side note: how was her voice coming through as ‘human’ over the speakers? If she had a full conversion, her only voice should have been her Dalek voice. What? What?).  I can only take consolation in the fact that I know she will be back (as she is set to be the next companion), but I am so much more ‘meh’ about her than I was before. 

Got milk?

 Can we please now talk about how Oswin deleted the Doctor from the memory of the ENTIRE DALEK RACE?! And I know it gives us all the chance to bounce up and down and go “They said the thing! They said the thing!” when character’s chant “Doctor who? Doctor who?” over and over, but this is getting old. And it very much wasn’t worth the tiny thrill it gave me this time; the Dalek’s don’t know who the Doctor is? As a plot point they exist only as the Doctor’s enemy! You can’t just brush them under the carpet like that!

Overall, I was thoroughly underwhelmed with the opening episode to series seven. I just wish that they would put Moffat back on monster duty where he does an exceptional job, and doesn’t make me want to throw my Doctor Who charm bracelet in the nearest river. Next week: space dinosaurs. If I can muster up the effort, I guess I’ll talk about how ridiculous that is later.